March 4, 2010

Prom dates and how NOT to get one

After I wrote the last post about prom worries, I mentioned it on Twitter (if you're on Twitter, come hang out with us) and one of my friends confessed that she suffered terrible anxiety in the lead up to her prom about asking a guy to be her prom date.

Oh dear, this is a big one I suspect, and one that I imagine lots of people are worrying about, so let's start to tackle it. It may take more than one post, let's see…

I'd like you to imagine these two scenarios. These people are fictitious and bear no resemblance to anyone I know, by the way.

Prom date scenario one:

Cathy likes a guy in her year, and decides that she'd like him to be her prom date. She spends the next three months breaking into a sweat whenever he walks into the room, can't look him in the eye and starts to run away when she sees him coming down the corridor. Finally, two days before the prom, she musters every last bit of courage, goes up to him and blurts out "Come to the prom with me!" whilst he and his mates gawp at her.

"Who are you?" he asks, and Cathy realises that whilst she has taken the time and trouble to discover his first, middle and last names, his birthday, what his favourite meal is, what he wants to do when he leaves school and where his birthmark is, he doesn't actually have a clue who she is.

Social death…. and all of his friends laugh at her. Poor Cathy.

Prom date scenario 2:

Cathy likes a guy in her year, and decides that she'd like him to be her prom date. As she doesn't know him very well, she finds out what his interests are and whether he has interests that overlap with her own. She hears that he's in the Film Club, and decides to go along to see if she likes it too. Not only does she find she loves Film Club, but it also gives her the opportunity to chat with this guy and strike up a friendship.

After a few weeks of getting to know him, Cathy waits until the end of a Film Club meeting when he's by himself asks if he has a date for the prom that's in a couple of months time. He smiles and says "Not yet…."

So what does this boil down to?

Okay, so both are fictional (and the latter is a bit too Twilight for my liking), but which one do you think is more likely to lead to Cathy getting to go to the prom with this guy?

Things that increase the odds of your ideal prom date saying 'yes'

I guess what I'm trying to point out is that there are a few factors that will increase your success when asking someone to be your prom date.

1. He/she knows who you are
2. You have a common interest and have spoken to each other prior to asking about the prom
3. There isn't an audience at the time of asking

That last one is important. Groups of friends do weird things to people… no-one wants to be embarrassed – about anything actually – and if there is even a chance that saying yes would make them seem like a muppet, your ideal date will say no, even though they might have been tempted. Give them a chance to respond without a gaggle of people around them.

Of course, they might say no for a thousand different reasons, and if the hottest person in your year runs up to you and asks to be your date the day before the prom, you might not care if you have nothing in common and don't even know what their surname is. But the odds are that they won't, hence this little bit of advice.